i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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