ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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