What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
