I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
