are you still at the devil's house?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
