he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm always down for nudity.
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