We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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