Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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