and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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