That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
