How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
