I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
