I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
