I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
