I love black thongs
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
