Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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