grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Randomize
