I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
