why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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