It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
