Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
