Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
