3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
