the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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