The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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