I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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