He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
