You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
