nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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