apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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