Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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