i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
