went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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