the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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