Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
