she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
