Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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