i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
