It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize