On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
