i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
