you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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