i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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