I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
