Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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