Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
