Swine flu. Run for my life!
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
