I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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