everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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