We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
