you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
