I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
