I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
