i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
