:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
