I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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