I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
