Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
