C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
