Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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