Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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