toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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