end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize