I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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