He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
being pregnant is like rehab
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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