Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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