she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
