are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
