just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
