He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
