You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
