Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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