I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
