That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
