Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
