he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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