My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
