Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Are we still banned from the library?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
