Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Enjoy the penises
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
