Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
