Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
