Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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