I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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