Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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