all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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