Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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