so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
do nipples grow back?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
