i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
