and next time when you feel me up, do it right
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
